Soon As The Economy Picks Up

As long as the University of Illinois Alumni Foundation charges its freshly graduated cash cows $200 for career advising packages and $60 per appointment, all while Uncle Sam expects a hastily repaid five digit loan total, I will continue to violently hang up on every call from their student-representatives.

However, the act of slamming my receiver into the phone base will eventually be replaced by a more courteous, less savage “no thank you”… As soon as the economy picks up.

Noticed this on an application that I filled out today:

“Have friends interested in the position? Let us know!”

Sorry, that’s a big negative right there. Unless I’m missing the point of a larger plan, (i.e, my referral will increase the odds of my being employed because I am bringing a crew to the organization as opposed to myself alone) this will absolutely be something I don’t do.

See, when you don’t have a job and are looking, postings become similar in nature to secret skating spots, good weed dealers (if that’s your thing), coveted parking spaces, homemade recipes, fishing areas, records with dusty samples (or record stores full of juicy records), or deals on Black Friday…you can not afford to spread the word. I’m too broke to be doing favors.

Has anyone ever yawned and rubbed the sleep out of your eyes to a day where you wonder if the things in your life are worth ANYTHING?? No emo, and no one has to call in somebody to protect me from myself, no worries (lighten up!)

….but seriously, I’m thinking of worth in terms of a dollar amount. If I were to take every element in my life, tangible and non-tangible…my job search, my degree, my broke ass computer, the bed that I sleep on in my parents house (the same bed I’ve had my entire life, #food4thought), my sex life, my clothing (most of which are the same two favorite colors, brown/green), my car (I don’t have a car, btw), my daily schedule of wake, apply, eat, workout, eat, apply, sleep, repeat; the food I eat, the good hip hop that I listen to (which is sadly for the most part, irrelevant), the bad hip hop that I listen to (which is gladly for the most part, irrelevant), my wonderful family (the good and the bad), my relationship (which is amazing at the best of times, and emotionally and physically draining at the worst of times, normal right?), my loose-ass dreadlocks that desperately need repair, my personally rewarding [volunteer] job as a DJ and promoter of local hip hop music, my writing skills (which I believe to be superb, naturally), my people skills (which I believe to be superb, naturally), my potential as a prospective employee, my potential as a someday-husband, my potential as a successful combination of both the former and the latter, friendships… and everything else..

If I were to somehow lay all these things down in a garage sale, how would they do?

Save me all the “oh but troy, some of these things are priceless”…..lets keep it real here. Would I be able to get word of the garage sale to spread like wildfire through the neighborhood?

Or would it be one of those sales where only 10 people pass by the entire day, make the regular “hmmm….interesting….oh wow….tisk, not my size…..ehh, we don’t need another one of these…..I could totally use this for…..did you get this at Ikea?….I can’t believe you’re letting this go!…..um excuse me, I put that item on the side because I wanted to buy it, please give it back“… and ultimately leave empty handed?

A counselor once told me that my job hunt would reach this point. The point in which a long period of disappointment begins to seep like overflow into the other aspects of your life, putting them into question. Such a narrative description, such a display of realistic prose; counselors should be getting cash bonuses for hitting nails on heads. The same counselor told me that my personality and ambition, and alma mater combined would keep me above water, and not allow me to succumb to the depths of failure. I wonder if he told all of his students that (surely he had to have…right?)

Ahhh…..Soon as The Economy Picks Up though, right? 11 days without a post, I was approaching old habits. Glad to be back on the ball!

This status is devoted to all of the lying addicts who have effectively demolished my faith in the notion that most homeless, especially in this economy, are well intentioned. Two instances:

1. The scene: Red Line train. While commuting home after my Hip Hop Project shift, I noticed a sandy haired man with mismatched boots and a brown trench-coat enter from another car. He looked sort of like a skinny, low budget version of Sidney Portier, and with a very contrived accent, sort of a mix of Welsh and upstate Massachussian…go figure. He was asking the crowd of passengers for money to buy a sandwich. A woman sitting next to me said, “hey there, I can save you the trip and just give you my sandwich. I just bought two and have an extra turkey.” The man closed his eyes, gently waved his two hands left to right as if to refuse and said ever so politely, “No thank you, I’m not too fond of turkey sandwiches”. He continued to stand in the same spot, asking for money.

2. The scene: Red Line train. I was sitting across from a beautiful woman with a crippling smile. Cue: burly, bearded man, quite rancid, slightly drunk and with the resemblance of a low budget Morgan Freeman (without the voice). He asks the crowd of passengers for food. The woman I noticed gave him the pasta leftovers she had that appeared to be from Oodles of Noodles. With a slight sway the man took the box, opened it, moved the pasta around with his finger, closed the box, and walked to the next car. I could not keep my feelings to myself this time. I said rather loudly, “So you aren’t gonna say thank you homie????” As the words left my lips I began to hear claps from various passengers in the train car, and one other man shook his head and asked the same question to the man. No dice. Homeless man leaves train car. End Scene. On my way out I said to the woman, “I hope you will have a great rest of the night. You’re a better human than me”.

This is officially my second attempt at Tumblr. I have learned many lessons since beginning the first one, which is now defunct and deleted as of 15 mintues ago. I’ll list a few of those lessons:

1. Nobody gives a shit about your blog. This is what causes blog users to lose their minds and spirits, then quit, and return to blitzing their friends with Facebook statii. It can be like talking to yourself in a corner. It didn’t take me long to grasp that the vast majority of Tumblr sites are frivolous attempts at adding one’s perspective to their respective music or fashion scene. However, though those are saturated blog topics, they are still widely read and reblogged—because these are things that people enjoy and can relate well to. A simple blog that consists of your daily schedule has the same weight on my interests as the SUV ads that air every third advertisement and usually involve a white, mid 40s smokey gray bearded cowboy character towing a boat, wood, rocks, or machinery (by the way, when do they host the Motor Trend Truck of the Year awards? And how much pride can one company have in their vehicle if every truck wins it every year?)…. The trick to having a good blog is to have a well-thought-out theme. My favorites….Things White People Like, Lunch Bag Art, This Is Why You’re Fat, Things My Dad Says; these are themes that people can either awe at, relate to, or say, “You know, now that I think about it, white people DO like these things, haha!”

2. My most read blog entry from my previous Tumblr, The Wisdom Body, was a review of the film Teeth, and I was quite bold with the statements that I made. Though it is not always a respectable tactic, especially in journalism, shock writing does push blog hits. Its the truth. And that film was shocking enough on its own (if you don’t know about the film, look it up. I have vowed to shed no further words on the matter). It’s a cheap internet trick to post any ol’ craziness on the web and attempt to draw controversy via comments and argument, but when you want to make a name for your blog, sometimes you must get your hands dirty (there is no reason why WorldStarHipHop.com should hold any weight on the internet, but their posts are so brilliantly ignorant that it works. Expect them to be bought by BET soon)

3. Respect your readers. If your friends take the time to read your material, the least you can do is thank them, or even make a post devoted to them—especially while you can still keep track of your followers.

BUT ANYWAY……

Without further adieu, I present to the world “Soon As The Economy Picks Up”, a blog theme that has been recommended to me by none other than my father. While brainstorming a new blog theme (due to the failure of The Wisdom Body because of my neglect to abide by the above lessons) my dad chimed in. “Why don’t you start a blog about your job hunt; you know, talk about how I’m supportive of your unemployed status and your mother nags you and would prefer that you get the f*ck out”. Thanks Dad, thats a great idea.

I believe this blog will do well because many can find it very easy to relate to this issue. The title is a sarcastic homage to the same excuse that every sorry sap in the United States is using to justify any display of laziness in 2011. I have yet to use it myself because I believe I will be dead and gone by the time the economy picks up (for instance; The City of Chicago’s contract with the private Chicago Parking Meters LLC is for 75 years. food for thought.)

I will handle this blog as a publication, and it will not be littered with internet shorthand, LOL catz or play-by-play summaries of any game I’m watching. I am a hip hop enthusiast/DJ/beatsmith/all around expert fellow, so occasionally my interest in the culture will peek in. I am a fan of StumbleUpon, random intelligence-quota-boosting information, and networking, so expect to see the random information I accumulate in my job search, as well as posts, entries, interviews, and work that I may seek from guest contributors. This blog will consist of the humors, breakthroughs, let downs, lessons, and intricacies that I experience during the job hunt. I will post a daily “I will ___ soon as the ecomony picks up”, and I will also post resume summaries of anyone who is interested in getting their name and skills read by the masses.

With that said, enjoy.

Troy Brundidge

teeroybee@gmail.com

773-369-7285